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Peeling the Onion

If I had to describe this house in one word, it would be ‘Layers’

You know when you are cooking and you’re chopping an onion, and the skin is a bit thin and won’t come off in one piece? That perfectly describes my day today.

The onion was the floor, and the skin was some 1/4 inch plywood that someone had, at some point added over top of the nice tongue and groove wood below.

The is plywood shattered, just like my dreams.
The plywood is shattered, just like my dreams.

While I don’t particularly agree with the choice of plywood over hardwood as a flooring interior design choice, that’s not what really made this the worst day of work so far.  Whenever the floor was plywood retrofitted, the mutherfucker diligent and thorough builder that did the work decided that the right amount of nails to use was a million. Each one spaced precisely on a four-inch grid over the each entire sheet of plywood.

securely nailed by some 'diligent and thorough builder'
securely nailed by some ‘diligent and thorough builder’

The ply was so tight to the floor below that I was unable to get the claw of my hammer under the sheet between any two nails.  When I finally did get some purchase on the plywood, it would promptly and religiously shatter into pieces, ensuring that I would not be able to get a pry bar between the next two nails.  And so it went, six and a half sheets.

Look at all of those MF'n Nails!
Look at all of those F’n Nails!

By about sheet three I had a technique that involved a claw hammer, wrecking bar, nail pry bar, a shovel and perhaps what is an all new yoga pose.  I managed to get sheet 5 off in one piece. I considered that to be a victory. It was short lived however as my jubilation was quickly as shattered as sheet number 6.  Just like peeling an onion, it was enough to make you cry.

Finally finished, Sheet 6 was a soul crusher.
Finally finished, Sheet 6 was a soul crusher.

At the end of the day I could only take solace in a couple of Robax, and the thought that maybe I will build something in this house, that 100 years from now will cause someone else to call me a ‘diligent and thorough builder’.


  1. Dad Dad

    Its a good job they were only nails and not rusty screws that the heads broke off while trying to turn them out, then you would never have got them out. I guess that house was built with nails. so much so the term ( as hard as nails ). One more job done; if there’s a way you’ll find it. Good work
    You need lots of food. Eat stake n eggs—– for breakfast
    Nice work.

    • Geoff Geoff

      Layers….Parfait!! Everybody looooove parfait!

      Good work buddy!!

  2. Robby Genest Robby Genest

    Almost overwhelming, tedious work that accomplishes relatively little can sometimes be very satisfying. Loved the description.

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